On The Buell – a stream of consciousness take on the Chatterbox Bike Nite August 16, 2012

By Pagan the Younger, forward by SCIENCE


My brother is on one of his twice-yearly visits back to the Homeland from his 4-year assignment in Indonesia. Our wives encouraged us to go for a motorcycle ride together so we could re-establish our tenuous brotherly bonds. Luckily, he was here through Thursday which is Bike Nite at the Chatterbox diner in Augusta NJ, and the weather was perfect which meant the Chatterbox would be packed with interesting bikes and people.

I offered him the choice of my two bikes: Ducati 996 or Buell Ulysses. He chose Buell. I also gave him all my good gear including the helmet that is set up to connect to the J&M GPS/mp3/CB integrator. Unfortunately, that helmet is the one that the Arai rep sized for me, and the Arai rep is clearly a sadist. It is one size too small for me, and way too small for my bro’s HUGE BRAIN-CASE.

On The Buell with apologies to Jack Kerouac

Gee this thing’s tall hope I remember how to ride it wow I can barely fit my head in this helmet whaddya know my gps fits and I can hear Sue talk to me through the earphone fuck I hope I don’t dump it it’s not so hard damn suburban drivers this thing has more power than my Vespa nice riding position easy to shift but where’s the neutral light hope I don’t dump it ack route 80 there are big trucks route 15 is nice why is myke stopping so fast and he has no brake lights on that fooking italian motorcycle so glad to remove this helmet before it extrudes my cranium out the face-hole gee I locked up the front brakes and lived to tell the tale maggots are here lots of harleys here too I am wearing a total poseur tee shirt why on earth would you ever buy a tryke mmmm yummy milkshakes and cute waittress Gold Wing with stuffed animals three idioits trying to bump start a bike like total amateurs hey it’s dark there are no headlights on that fooking italian motorcycle hope I don’t dump this thing route 80 has lots of trucks what fucking route is he taking home I am alive.
  • Buell has more horsepower than his Vespa? I should HOPE SO!
  • The Buell does have a neutral light. It was hiding behind his GPS unit.
  • Ducati has no taillights or headlights? Well, technically it has both but they work so crappily it might as well not. Previous owner trashed the taillight and turnsignal unit for an aftermarket one that is angled so it is impossible to see. And it’s dim. I added an LED replacement unit ($$$) and it didn’t help.
  • Harleys at the Chatterbox: Pagan the Younger has not been to many bike nite events. The normal mix at an American bike nite type thing is 95% Harley, 4% current sportbikes, 1% everything else. At the Chatterbox it’s like 60% Harleys, 30% sportbikes, and 10% interesting other stuff (cafe racers, old brit bikes, old BMWs, even saw an RGV500 Gamma once)
  • Pagan the Younger’s ride: He is currently a Vespa owner, having acquired a 1965 Vespa in Indonesia where he lives. He is restoring it as of the writing of this posting. Previously he rode a BMW R1150R, which was a GREAT bike, but he sold it when his employer shuffled him off to the developing world.